Just Keep Going Up!

“The ability to respond is what is meant by responsibility, yet our cultures take away our ability to act-shackle us in the name of protection. Blocked, immobilized, we can't move forward, can't move backwards. That writhing serpent movement, the very movement of life, swifter than lightning, frozen. We do not engage fully. We do not make full use of our faculties. We abnegate. And there in front of us is the crossroads and choice: to feel a victim where someone else is in control and therefore responsible and to blame (being a victim and transferring the blame on culture, mother, father, ex-lover, friend, absolves me of responsibility), or to feel strong, and for the most part, in control.” -Gloria E. Anzaldúa, Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza

Many of our choices are not our own; yet, we go along with them. I was born May 15, 1997 in Sylmar, California to two immigrant parents that hailed from Mexico. Because of them, I was taught Mexican values that often clashed with the more individualistic values of the United States; yet, I internalized both. They only led me to an internal civil war when a life decision needed to be made. Thus, my desires often took a back seat because ultimately it was so exhausting to try to keep up with people’s expectations of me. Don’t get me wrong; they weren’t bad expectations. My parents demanded that I be a good daughter, get good grades, abide to God’s message, and be kind. In other words, be obedient, and fall in line.

On the other hand, I had American society telling me be intelligent, successful, promiscuous, liberal, tolerant, conceited, selfish, and individualistic. Because of those expectations and divide in values, I stumbled a lot until I shut myself off from the world. After that, I needed a reality check. Ultimately, I came to the conclusion that I was not living life optimally because there was too much noise. “Be a professional, so you can be rich.” “Be a good catholic because God is always watching.” “Be an activist since you are Chicana and Latinx.” “Have a great resume!” “Here drink some more.” “How many guys have you been with?” So, I deduced that I needed to pick one life outcome and stick to it; thus, I needed to prune the unnecessary routes in my life just like my brain does for extra synapses with the goal of strengthening the necessary route.

So, my life advice to you all is learn to discern and pull apart the noise with the purpose of illuminating what is useful and tailored specifically to your needs and desires because if you don’t, you will all become understandably overwhelmed to the point that you end up stumped like you will see with me.

Short cautionary story: I invite you to see what may happen if you let their expectations dictate your actions.

Because I am a first-generation college student, my parents conditioned me to want to succeed, which eventually led me to UCLA. However, the problem with trying to attain a symbol is that you never truly grasp it since it is a concept and intangible. I sacrificed so much to get to UCLA without a true regard to what I was going to do when I got there since I just wanted to get there. The result was that once I got to UCLA, I did not know what to do with myself since the thought of being an adult and having to pick a mundane job if I ended up not having the aptitude, language skills, world experience, and sheer determination required for my dream job, sucked.

Not only was I crippled because I didn't have a career I truly desired enough to fight for, I was suffering from imposter syndrome; thus, I was struggling to believe that I belonged at UCLA versus my admission being a mistake. Fortunately, I challenge myself to one act of bravery everyday, which in my humble opinion encompasses all my tips to you!

So, never fear!

Here are 10 tips to help that may help you navigate college life, so that you may stay positive, healthy, motivated, and on track as I try to be.

#1 Keep your eyes on your own lane!

"What if evil doesn't really exist? What if evil is something dreamed up by man, and there is nothing to struggle against except our own limitations? The constant battle between our will, our desires, and our choices?"—Libba Bray, Rebel Angels

Since I struggled a lot with the imposter syndrome, I kept on comparing myself to my friends since we were taking the same classes, which I think contributed to the deterioration of some of my friendships. So, I urge you to combat insecurity and inadequacy by comparing yourself only to your past self versus everyone else because if you don't, you will end up falling and tripping since your goal changed from reaching the finish line to surpassing someone. Thus, along with tripping, you are opening the door to feelings of envy, resentment, sadness, inadequacy, and hopelessness.

#2 Fake it till you make it!

“And what I saw,” I said quietly to him as the Carver raised a hand. “I think—I think I loved it. Forgave it—me. All of it.” It was only in that moment when I knew—I’d understood what the Suriel had meant. Only I could allow the bad to break me. Only I could own it, embrace it. And when I’d learned that … the Ouroboros had yielded to me. Rhys arched a brow, even as awe crept across his face. “You loved all of it—the good and the bad?” I smiled a bit. “Especially the bad.”"― Sarah J. Maas. A Court of Wings and Ruin

While I suggest that you all should look in the mirror and tell yourself kind things every day until you truly believe it, it is prudent to also acknowledge who you at your core, good and bad, or you might never be fulfilled and happy since you are not attuned to your needs as a result of them making you feel vulnerable, scared, etc. So, see yourself until you are not ashamed or scared to look upon yourself. Once you can look at yourself with love, compassion, and understanding, then you are more receptive to all the nice things you can tell yourself in the mirror everyday in order to become your ideal version because it all starts in the mind first! You need to be able to envision and embody greatness before others may see it too, which is what a self-concept is all about.

3# Build a strong social support system!

“But she was the one person I could be myself around and never feel judged. The one person that I knew would always pick up the phone, or call me back. She was the one person who made me feel brave because no matter what happened, no matter how bad or embarrassing or shitty it was, I knew that I had her in my corner. That if it all went to Hel, I could talk to her and it would be fine.” ― Sarah J. Maas, House of Earth and Blood

As an extrovert, my personality truly shines when I am around my friends, which is great because without them I probably would not be as happy as I am. Because of them, I feel validated, understood, seen, and loved. So, whether you are an extrovert or an introvert, make the time to hang out with people that make it easy to laugh since they will serve as your anchor and safe haven even if they aren't meant to be in you life forever.

#4 Picture it!

“I must’ve wished for you so hard and so often you had no choice but to come true." ― Sylvia Day, Bared to You

My tip to you is visually hold onto your dream in your mind when things are hard or you lack motivation since this helped me out so much. I didn't truly acknowledge what I desired above all else in this world until recently. Because I was not fully committed to any path, I struggled to do what needed to be done to get those A's since getting those A's was important to me, but not as important as it was once was perhaps since I was not seeing results; thus, I was not motivated. Fortunately, I find that doing my work when all I want to do is hang out with my friends, cuddle in bed, watch Netflix, read, or eat to be easier when I remember why I am doing what I am doing. I didn't have a strong enough motivation back in the day since money didn't matter to me enough; however, my future family does. Thus, to attract my ideal man one day, I must become his equal, which is not possible without becoming highly educated, resourceful, connected, ambitious, kind, etc.

#5 Cultivate and water your hobbies!

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies . . . The man who never reads lives only one.” – George R.R. Martin

Don't give up on those hobbies that bring you peace, happiness, and make you feel alive. Once I started school at UCLA, I never seem to have the time to do what I love for fun, which was to read. Imagine the transition from reading a book everyday for 365 days to reading one maybe once a month and that is being generous. In all honesty, I had less time to run, which was why I read so much to the point where I failed pretty much all my 9th grade classes because all I did was read even though I liked class. If that wasn't bad enough, I didn't dress for PE until my junior year because I just read instead of exercising. I am actually surprised I never got sent to the principle's office though it probably had to with the fact reading was not a bad habit like drugs and alcohol. I'm sorry I went off on a tangent. Anyway, it is important to indulge in me time since its a breath of fresh air in an otherwise congested street.

#6 Keep moving forward!

"Hope? Hope can be a powerful force. Maybe there's no actual magic in it, but when you know what you hope for most and hold it like a light within you, you can make things happen, almost like magic."

—Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke and Bone

It is okay to fail at times since they make the rise that much sweeter. One of the reasons that I chose UCLA was due to its prestige. I wanted to give the proverbial finger to all those people in my life that thought I would never amount to anything, either due to my past or because of my heritage, and prove to those teachers and friends that knew all along that I could if only applied myself. So, stop being so hard on yourself because in the end failing spectacularly is the only way to learn.

#7 The half full cup!

“No pessimist ever discovered the secrets of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new heaven to the human spirit.” ―Helen Keller

Always see every trajectory off your intended course or mistake as a possibility instead of a failure or diversion. In all honesty, I could have never gotten into UCLA after graduating high school because while I got the most improved scholarship in high school for my 360 change, I still ended up with a 3.0. Thus, I needed to go off to some middle of nowhere school (University of Great Falls) that I absolutely fell in love with. Furthermore, I needed that experience of freedom to help me succeed at community college once UGF got too expensive. In the end, I needed all my screw ups because without those feelings that manifested as me wanting to prove something, I would have perhaps not got it into my head to go to UCLA, one of the best universities in the world. Consequently, those wrong turns can turn out being the best things that happened to us because those turns might leads us into the arms of our future loves, might leads us into jobs that were never planned; yet, we fell in love with them anyways, etc.

# 8 Minimize stress!

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."― William James

My first quarter at UCLA was stressful because it was a huge transition from community college. Not only was it due to school, but having to juggle a need for sleep, eat, exercise, and socialize. Chronic stress has a way of screwing up with our whole systems if we don't treat our bodies like temples. Thus, it is important to eat all three meals, exercise due to the oxytocin rush, and sleep because if we don't what is the point of sacrificing so much, if we run a high risk of getting some disease, dying earlier, or just being unhappy.

#9 Don't drink so much!

#10 Get as many hugs you can per day for optimal health!